i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
