wakey wakey hands off snakey
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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