Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
