Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
