you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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