Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
