My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
