I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
