My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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