this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
