He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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