Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize