i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
