I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
