girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize