saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
