well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
