i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You did what with his pubic hair?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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