I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
