A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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