He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
