Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
