I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
