If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
