Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just come out here and I will go home with you...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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