Kareoke will never be a sober sport
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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