My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
