he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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