He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize