it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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