You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
