Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
