i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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