Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
