i will never coherently bang her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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