How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
