I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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