When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
