highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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