Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so let's talk penis.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
