I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
