Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
