DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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