I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
