I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
