Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
