He uses pillows to masturbate.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
