Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
