now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
