It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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