Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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