WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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