I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
