your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
