She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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