Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Everything about him screamed your future.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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