i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
