I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
