There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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