You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
