Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
