The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
