I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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