It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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