Pappa wants mamma naked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
