Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
